Don’t Shoot the Messenger – My Own Learning Moment
We are all learning each day as we continue our journey through leadership and life. The lesson about not shooting the messenger is one I have been learning for quite some time. I still have a lot of work to do. I am certain people from my current team, as well as many from my past (and my wife), can attest to frustrations at times with me when they have been simply passing along a message I didn’t care for. Not only that, but I can wear emotions on my sleeve, and I am passionate about supporting store teams and all that they do. That can sometimes get the best of me and results in the messenger taking the brunt of those outpourings of emotion.
Today’s look at this subject is very much for me as anyone, but I hope others can benefit from my own learning and join me for this journey stop together.
I had a dream where I got frustrated by a question and response. Instead of listening and exploring the information shared, I clearly showed and verbalized my deep dissatisfaction. While I did dream this, it is a reality as well. The dream just seemed to connect to me differently. It forced me to really think about what could or should happen in those situations.
Each situation is different, and the circumstances may not fully be in the control of the person passing along the message. The below steps are ways to react better to information you may not be prepared for or are disappointed to hear.
Take a step back
Pause. Taking a deep breath is the first step when recognizing what you have heard is not what you had expected or has caught you off guard. In that moment of breathing, remove the emotion of the situation and try to look at the information from all perspectives. This is hard. It is even harder when you have reacted a certain way for many years. But this is an important step to ensure you have heard the information correctly and recognize the person providing the information may have no direct connection to what has happened or why. They are merely passing along the information to you.
Ask – tell me more about the situation
Get clarity. Have you heard everything correctly? Who are the parties that are involved? What is the context of the situation? These are all questions that can and should be asked. An important reminder here, the person relaying the information may not have those details. Again, this will vary from situation to situation. Learn all you can at this point, then formulate the next steps.
What other options would you suggest
The person passing along the information is likely a trusted advisor. In reality, if you have a tendency to show frustration with certain bits of news, the fact that this person is standing in front of you realizing they may get a negative reaction means they still recognize the importance of you knowing the information. They have come to you knowing that it may be unpleasant.
With that in mind, instead of responding angrily or just trying to solve the problem or make statements about what must happen, seek counsel. Ask the person what they would suggest. They may have already thought through some options. After all, they had this information for longer than you have. They may have even thought about how you were going to react. In doing so, they have already processed through some emotion and have moved to potential solutions. Allowing them to share ideas also gives you more time to process the information that was just provided to you.
What prevents us from taking those paths
Continue to explore the potential options for a response and obstacles that may stand in the way. Begin to work through these potential solutions and how you may overcome the issue that has been presented. In doing all of this, you can defuse the initial negative energy, strengthen a partnership, and begin working towards a valid solution.
If the situation is such that you do need to reach out to others that may be responsible for the situation itself, you are in a more informed place with less emotion attached to react appropriately and accordingly. This is the same reason I advise (and follow) never to type angry and press send. You can type as hard as you want on your keyboard, but take a few moments to pause, re-read, and then breathe before you hit the ‘send’ button on that angry email. That same process works for these other situations as well – take the necessary step back, learn more about the information, define potential options, address the hurdles, and then you can take the needed next steps. All of that amounts to saving the messenger for important news in the future.
How can you avoid breaking the ‘don’t shoot the messenger’ adage?
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